Kuldeep's Jokes

Red Indian training.

2011-07-07T14:05:00.000+05:30

A Red Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, 'Me want coffee.'

The waiter says, 'Sure chief, coming right up...'

He gets the Red Indian a tall mug of coffee..., and he drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.

The next morning he returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.

He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, 'Me want coffee?'

The waiter says, 'Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What the heck was all that about, anyway?'

He smiles and proudly says, 'Me training for top management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot some crap, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of the day

Your favorite superhero is a .NET programmer

2011-02-21T18:44:00.000+05:30

Your Favourite super hero

Can force garbage collector in your PC to clean your Office Room.
Doesn't follow any coding standards . All coding standards follow him.
Can run .NET exe on any platform like Mac , Linux, Unix , Windows ,Mobile etc and not the least Railway platforms too .
Can solve the bug just by staring it . The Bug should lose or he might use the Spray(HIT) to kill the Bug.
Can override a sealed function / variable.
Can make a class abstract and sealed both at same time.
Doesn't get any compiler errors, the IDE will abide by him.
Can make a variable of type float to float in the water .
Can access all the private data of the class.
Creates Array of infinite size because he doesn't have any boundaries
Can code without computers
Can return a value from a void functions.
Can use the Binary Search Algorithm and get it to work even on the unsorted Data .
Can delete the Recycle bin
Never uses "try" on the code, he will directly "catch" the exceptions.
Can divide by zero.
Can create a integer variable and assign infinity as value .
Can use the Blue screen Error in Windows when the computer's brightness is higher and can revert it back immediately with touch.
Can type in without pressing escape key . Infact his keyboard doesn't contain one . No one can escape from him .
Can write code that optimizes itself.

--
Regards,
Kuldeep Verma
http://kuldeepverma.blogspot.com/

Do you know, Why the recession happened!

2011-01-19T12:07:00.001+05:30

*A naked and drunken woman boards a cab in London one night.**

**
The Indian driver keeps staring and does not start the cab.**

**
Woman: Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before???**

**
Indian Driver: I am not staring at you lady..... just wondering where you
kept money to pay me!**

**
Moral:
That is what most of the American and European banks failed to do
(i.e.) Assessing repayment capacity before taking exposure!!*

--
Regards,
Kuldeep Verma

some more

2010-06-15T16:15:00.001+05:30

A man joins a Tibetan temple. He takes a vow of silence but is allowed to say two words every year.

After an arduous 12 months of eating rice, sleeping on a wooden bed with a raggedy blanket, and working 14-hour days in the field, the man goes to the head monk and says, "More blankets."

Another year passes, and he visits the head monk and says, "More food."

The man goes through one more year eating good meals and sleeping well, but he's drained by the long work days. He calls on the head monk and uses his two words to say, "I'm leaving."

"Good," the head monk replies. "You've done nothing but whine since you got here."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man was invited to a friend's home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her honey, darling, sweetheart, pumpkin, etc. He was impressed at this, since the couple had been married over 50 years.

While the wife was in the kitchen, he said, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years, you still call your wife those pet names."

His buddy shrugged, lowered his voice and said, "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago."

--
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Polish

2010-06-15T15:13:00.001+05:30

A man walks into a bar, sits down, and says to the guy next to him, "Hey, you wanna hear a great Polish joke?"

"Listen, pal," the guy replies. "I'm Poland's kick-boxing champion. My two friends here are both world-ranked judo masters, and they're Polish, too. Now, you still want to tell that joke?"

"Nah," the man replies, "I don't feel like explaining it three times."

----------------------------------------------------------

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, well, you can come with me to my house," instructed the lawyer.

"But, sir, I have a wife and two kids with me!"

"Bring them along!" said the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said, "You come with us, too."

"But, Sir, I have a wife and six kids!" he answered.

"Bring them, as well!" answered the lawyer, as he headed for his limo.

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall!"

--
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Fun liners

2010-06-15T15:10:00.001+05:30

Q: Why are blondes so easy?
A: Who cares.

Q: What is the hardest thing about roller-blading?
A: Telling your dad you're gay.

--
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Jesus is watching you

2010-06-15T15:00:00.000+05:30

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed.

"What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The same kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus."

--
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Ladies

2010-06-15T14:48:00.000+05:30

A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff.

A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination.

When a third man approaches her, she asks impatiently, "These examinations are fine, but when are you going to start the operation?"

He shrugs and says, "Your guess is as good as mine, lady. We're just here to paint the halls."

--------------------------------------------

An attractive, well-dressed woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed. As she turns back, standing next to her is a salesman.

"Good day, ma'am, how may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, how much does this rug cost?"

"Ma'am," he answers, "If you farted just touching it, you're gonna crap when you hear the price!"

--
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killing joke.

2010-06-15T14:44:00.000+05:30

Two lawyers are leaving the office. "I can't wait to get home," says one of them. "As soon as I walk in the door, I'm going to rip my wife's panties right off."

"I know the feeling," the other says.

"No, I'm serious," says the first. "They're killing me."

--
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Laxatives cure cough ?

2010-06-14T20:02:00.001+05:30

The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall, with a very strange look on his face. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what's up.

"He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup," the clerk explains. "So I gave him a box of laxatives and told him to take it all at once."

"Laxatives won't cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily.

"Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. "Look at him. He's too afraid to cough."

--
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The talking clock.

2010-06-14T20:00:00.001+05:30

Late one night a drunk guy is showing some friends around his brand-new apartment. The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.

"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.

"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's actually a talking clock."

"You're crazy. Show me how it works then!"

The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake…it's 3:30 in the goddamn morning!"

--
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Bhav to karna padta hai.

2010-06-14T19:58:00.000+05:30

A man walks up to a woman and asks, "Would you sleep with me for $1,000,000?"

She quickly replies, "Yes."

So then he asks, "Would you sleep with me for $20?"

Astounded by the question she says, "Of course not. What kind of woman do you think I am?"

He says, "Well we've already determined that. Now I'm just working on the price."

----------------------------------------------------------

A man walks into a bar and sees a miniature man sitting on a table playing a miniature piano.

He's fascinated and watches the man play for a few minutes, then asks the bartender, "How did you find such a tiny man to play the piano?"

The bartender replies, "I found a lamp with a genie in it who granted me one wish."

"And you asked for a 10-inch pianist?"

"Well, not exactly."

--
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its raining jokes

2010-06-14T19:55:00.001+05:30

Two strangers, a man and a woman, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they are tired and fall asleep quickly—he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1 a.m., the man leans over and gently wakes the woman and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," the woman replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."

"Wow! That's a fantastic idea!" he exclaims, with a huge smile on his face.

"Good," she replies. "Now, get your own damn blanket!"

------------------------------------------------------------------

A small zoo in Alabama acquires a rare gorilla, who quickly becomes agitated. The zookeeper determines that the female ape is in heat, but there are no male apes available for mating.

The zookeeper approaches a redneck janitor with a proposition. "Would you be willing to have sex with this gorilla for $500?" he asks.

The janitor accepts the offer, but only on three conditions: "First, I don't want to have to kiss her. And second, you can never tell anyone about this." The zookeeper agrees to the conditions and asks about the third.

"Well," says the janitor, "I'm gonna need about a week to come up with the $500."

------------------------------------------------------------------

A little old lady answered her doorbell and saw a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!"

As she closed the door, the young man quickly wedged his foot in the door and pushed it open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, ma'am, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."

--
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Been doing this.

2010-06-14T19:50:00.001+05:30

A hiker gets lost in the woods and spends the next three days wandering around with no food. Finally, he spots a bald eagle on a ledge, hits it with a big rock, and begins eating it raw.

A park ranger stumbles on the scene and arrests the hiker for killing an endangered species.

In court the hiker explains that he was on the edge of starvation and had no choice.

"Considering the circumstances, I find you not guilty," says the judge. "But I have to ask—what did the eagle taste like?"

"Well, your honor," the hiker says, "if I had to describe it, I'd say it tasted something like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl."

--
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Sachin patrekar

2010-06-14T19:47:00.001+05:30

A city slicker shoots a duck out in the country. As he's retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him. After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter "country style."

"What's country style?" asks the city boy.

"Out here in the country," the farmer says, "when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the balls as hard as he can. Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin' wins the dispute."

Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself. The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he's ever felt, crying like a baby and rolling around on the ground. Finally he staggers to his feet and says, "All right, n-now it's–it's m-my turn."

The farmer grins. "Forget it, you win. Keep the duck."

--
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Live to enjoy

2010-06-14T19:44:00.001+05:30

A 60-year-old man is getting his annual physical.

"Doc, do you think I'll live another 40 years so I can reach 100?" he asks.

"That depends," says the doctor. "Do you smoke?"

"No." "Do you drink?"   "No."

"Do you fool around with loose women?"

"Of course not."  "Well, then," says the doctor. "Why the hell do you want to live for another 40 years?"

--
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jokes are back

2010-06-14T19:31:00.000+05:30

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a cab driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Wanna go ride bikes???

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bill and his father are out fishing and drinking beer while discussing football and NASCAR.

All of a sudden Bill says, "Dad, I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months."

His father, silent for a moment, slowly takes a sip of his beer and says, "Son, you better think it over; women like that are hard to find."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A blonde, looking to earn some extra money, decided to offer her services as a "handy woman" and started canvassing an affluent nearby neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about $100?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "She was just up here, how could she have missed it?"

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $100 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porsche, it's a Lexus."

--
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2010-01-24T01:51:00.001+05:30

http://www.haf.republika.pl/cCojNQiHV9.html

And then the fight started...

2010-01-04T16:45:00.000+05:30

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive...

So, I took her to a gas station..

And then the fight started...

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my
wife
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby
table.

I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Naaah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *
A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started..... .

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that
I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:
the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a
toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the
driveway.'

And then the fight started...

--
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Stranded man

2009-02-26T15:01:00.001+05:30

This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years.

One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft."

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years!", he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic !" Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?"

And the man replies, "My God ! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there!"

--
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Chicken egg

2009-02-26T14:52:00.001+05:30

Chicken and Egg

A Chicken and an Egg were lying in bed one night. The chicken smoking a cigarette with a smug grin on its face, the egg looking thoroughly ticked off.

The egg looks at the chicken and says,
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

--
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Are you an idiot ?

2008-12-04T13:51:00.001+05:30

http://www.iamlikethisonly.co.in/

--
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math magic

2008-11-03T09:47:00.001+05:30

259 x (Your Age) x 39 = Your Age Your Age Your Age

--
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Happy Deepavali

2008-10-25T19:12:00.001+05:30

Wishing each one of you a very happy and prosperous deepawali. May this year brings you lots and lots of happiness in life and fulfill all your dreams.

From,
Kuldeep , Sharmila and Dhruv

achha hai

2008-10-22T14:17:00.001+05:30

http://cerium50.niloo.fr/18-10-2008/creatives-ads-volume-3/#more-440

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boss ka boss

2008-10-21T13:42:00.001+05:30

http://www.bosskaboss.com/tm/index.htm

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Little Cheater

2008-10-14T11:08:00.001+05:30

Cheat in Exam - The best home videos are here

India TV

2008-09-16T10:22:00.001+05:30

http://limericker.blogspot.com/2008/09/indiatv-tries-to-do-lhc.html

Note: The LHC is the "Large Hadron Collider", which is the biggest particle accelerator built yet, and it's going to switch on on Sep 10. It's made to discover new physics. Not create Black Holes that devour the earth.

Ooh, and one earlier post of mine, about IndiaTV craziness.

Ok, it's three days before the biggest experiment ever designed begins, and IndiaTV has got a late brainwave about it's dangers. It's apparently going to blow up the Earth, and IndiaTV doesn't want us to have more than 3 days notice. We are Fucked! (Apparently.)

I don't know how IndiaTV gets their hands on all kinds of conspiracy/doomsday theories, but man, they do. I wonder how they sleep at night. My friend here had to spend half an hour explaining to his grandparents that the Earth was not going to blow up because of a black hole created in a particle accelerator. There isn't a physics student in every home in India, sadly, so IndiaTV surely misled many, many Indians, who'll spend the next three days either in terror, or in fearful wait (or in orgies... hey, last three days!)

Well, I've always called IndiaTV the worst hindi news channel EVER (and that's saying a lot). When they're not spouting nonsense about aliens or skeletons of Gatotkachh being found (with a Hindu Scholar on air to explain how he could've gotten so big... apparently the Bio department comes under School of Hinduism these days... wait, does that mean all those Bio chicks will refuse to have premarital sex?... man, Bio chicks... oh, back to topic...) they're spouting nonsense about every doomsday theory that ever walked the idiots of Earth. So, here's an account of their opinion of the LHC, and why it's so stupid that rats will refuse to eat it...

(And thanks to my friend Achal for giving me an account of the show, and having spared me the pain of having to shout "fuck" 30 times in 10 minutes...)

"The Doomsday Device"

(Mwa)Hahahahahah! Physicists are either idiots or nihilists, according to IndiaTV. LHC, the "Great Machine" is going to start in 3 days, and who knows what will happen?! It is a machine, and machines are not to be trusted.

With a suitable "horror" tune playing in the background, the voice on TV comments as we are shown clips from various movies with floods, huge explosions, and other clips from various Hollywood movies (I think they have a special copy of "Independence Day", oh yeah, and of "The Day After Tomorrow", which they never have occasion to keep back on the shelf... "Oh, done with that ID4 copy for your Aliens show? Could I have it for my ' The Sex Ed Conspiracy' show."). To be fair, they took opinions of some scientists (special material, those scientists, to be ready to talk to IndiaTV...) , but they emphasised the Doom part more than anything else.

And what IndiaTV programme is complete without a contribution to the "stupidest lines ever said on TV" list? Here are two Achal remembers from the show:

"Yeh Mahamachine hain ya Mahadaanav?"
AKA "Is this a Great Machine or a Great Demon?"

The first confirmation of what I've always suspected! Scriptwriters of Ekta Kapoor also write for IndiaTV! In this case, those who wrote "Kahaani Humaare Mahabharat kii", surely produced this gem. Come on, the two sets are one... There cannot be so many awesomely stupid people in the same country. Those who work for Ekta Kapoor work for IndiaTV. QED.

"Agar Machine ka dimaag fir gaya toh?"
"What if the machine loses it's mind?"

And join your club?

I think the IndiaTV people have a special "Dr. Strangelove"-like prepared for them, just in case one of the hundred disasters they predict actually happens. Only this time, it won't be taking specimens of the best men and women on earth...

Ok, Enough Sarcasm for today. (No, right? You're enjoying this, eh? Well, there's always a post in the future about IndiaTV...)

The Straight Dope about the LHC then...

Ok, not THE Straight Dope. But as straight as you can get it: It's not going to create black holes. It isn't going to blow up the earth for Chris-sakes. Those physicists are not as dumb as you ~~think~~, they know how to design an experiment, and they are much, much smarter than you. LHC has been safety-tested, simulated, debated a hundred times over by people who actually know it inside out. And they have come to one conclusion: it's safe.

And, let's face it: the LHC is beautiful. It's humanity's biggest experiment ever, and hopefully we'll get answers to atleast some of our Big Questions after it's done. Here's stuff about the LHC. Cool explanation. And what chances does it have? Here is a rough and fun estimate (by Sean Carroll).

And yes, here and here are links explaining all that about doomsday. I'm not qualified enough, am I? But Phil Plait is. And he's cool. And he gives more links.

PostScript

BTW, I do KNOW that IndiaTV people are not really stupid, and they do this just to get more viewers and TRPs, and they're just taking advantage of the gullibility of those viewers. But I really, really would like to believe they're stupid and not cruel. Really, it's cruel, mean, and sad to take advantage of people like that. Just thinking about it makes me very, very angry, so I'd just think that they're idiots, not rogues.

BTW, This LHC doomsday thing is actually quite old. That's why I said "brainwave" at the start of the post. Not only do they spout incredibly blackheaded stuff, they do it really, really late.

Oh, you've probably heard this by now, and it's 30 years old in Internet years I guess, but here it is: LHC Rap.

PostScript 2

Amit Varma over at IndiaUncut has posted about this (and included a link to this post: yay!). There he links to a news piece about a girl commiting suicide citing the End of The World as the reason. I agree with him that there were probably (I hope) other reasons, although I can see why this media hype would push such people over the edge. It's just sad. I stand by what I said above about these channels exploiting the public mindset. News is there not to entertain, or mislead... but to educate. I hope these channels learn this soon.

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This book does not work

2008-09-14T16:47:00.001+05:30

Amazon Bible Review

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Hand Painting Art by Mario Mariotti

2008-09-14T14:36:00.001+05:30

Hand Painting Art by Mario Mariotti

September 12th, 2008 | Inspiration |

Today's inspiration comes from Mario Mariotti (1936-1997), an Italian artist from Florence, famous for his amazing hand painting art.

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2008-09-14T14:33:00.001+05:30

http://gizmodo.com/5030810/giz-explains-an-illustrated-guide-to-every-stupid-cable-you-need

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'Let's talk

2008-08-13T21:00:00.001+05:30

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,

'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger,

'What would you like to talk about?''

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says,

'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies,

'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?'

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Irony

2008-08-12T12:31:00.000+05:30

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Finally the Supreme court says..

2008-08-07T17:42:00.001+05:30

Finally the Supreme court said what the people of the country knew long back :)

In India, even God is helpless, says SC

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Even_God_cannot_save_this_country_Supreme_Court_/articleshow/3330091.cms

NEW DELHI: "In India, even God cannot help. He will be a silent spectator as He will also feel helpless" — this observation came from the Supreme Court on Tuesday as it expressed its frustration over the reluctance of the Centre and state governments to take tough measures against bureaucrats and others unauthorisedly overstaying in government accommodation.

The remark indicated what the apex court must be feeling after failing to goad the governments to amend laws to treat squatting in government premises as criminal trespass of public property, an offence which may attract arrests.

The bench of Justices B N Agrawal and G S Singhvi was reacting to the government's decision, conveyed by additional solicitor general Amarendra Saran, not to amend Section 441 of the Indian Penal Code to make overstaying in official bungalows an offence.

Following the refusal of the Centre and states to make the squatters pay, the dejected court dropped its advocacy for a stronger law. "In our view, the stand of the Centre and the states is condemnable in view of the galloping trend of unauthorised occupation of official accommodation, which neither the Centre nor the states are in a position to contain," it said.

Amicus curiae Ranjit Kumar, however, exhorted the court not to drop the ante, saying there should be some accountability fixed on delinquent bureaucrats as government accommodation were national assets which could not be squandered away.

Following the refusal of the Centre and states to make the squatters pay, the SC court dropped its advocacy for a stronger law. The bench comprising Justices B N Agrawal and G S Singhvi pointed out that a law, however tough, could never be implemented if the government was not keen on it.

"The whole government machinery is corrupt. We may lay down the law, but who will implement it? It has to be done by the clerks. The secretaries and joint secretaries have no guts to go against the clerks. The law is there, the statute is there, but the governments have become non-functional," it said. The court slammed the government for being obstinate towards implementation of laws. Because of this, those in the corridors of power were able to continue occupying government accommodation unauthorisedly without fear, it said.

The SC, frustrated by the determination of politicians and bureaucrats to stay put in subsidised accommodation beyond their eligibility, had proposed amendment last year, saying that only "third degree method" would work with the heedless and well-connected lot.

If it had thought that its tough posture would work with regimes indulgent of powerful squatters, it was to be disappointed. Most of the states did not respond to suggestion. Those who did, toed Centre's line. There were two exceptions though — Orissa and UP — which have tough laws in place making squatting in government bungalows a non-bailable offence.

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Fwd: Increment :)

2008-08-07T17:36:00.001+05:30

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The best news channel in India

2008-08-07T17:34:00.001+05:30

India TV

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Monitor Cleaning Software

2008-08-07T16:40:00.001+05:30

http://0xteto.com/cleaner/clean.html

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Will this control Inflation

2008-07-21T13:36:00.001+05:30

I am against spamming and forwarding ,but if this helps bring down the unreasonable cost of Oil, Spam this.

Though long but Worth reading...

Nice Logic - It May Work!!

A man eats two eggs each morning for breakfast. When he goes to the Kirana store he pays Rs. 12 a dozen. Since a dozen eggs won't last a week he normally buys two dozens at a time. One day while buying eggs he notices that the price has risen to Rs. 16. The next time he buys groceries, eggs are Rs. 22 a dozen.

When asked to explain the price of eggs the store owner says, 'The price has gone up and I have to raise my price accordingly'. These store buys 100 dozen eggs a day. He checked around for a better price and all the distributors have raised their prices. The distributors have begun to buy from the huge egg farms. The small egg farms have been driven out of business. The huge egg farms sell 100,000 dozen eggs a day to distributors. With no competition, they can set the price as they see fit. The distributors then have to raise their prices to the grocery stores. And on and on and on.

As the man kept buying eggs the price kept going up. He saw the big egg trucks delivering 100 dozen eggs each day. Nothing changed there. He checked out the huge egg farms and found they were selling 100,000 dozen eggs to the distributors daily. Nothing had changed but the price of eggs.

Then week before Diwali the price of eggs shot up to Rs. 40 a dozen. Again he asked the grocery owner why and was told, 'Cakes and baking for the holiday'. The huge egg farmers know there will be a lot of baking going on and more eggs will be used. Hence, the price of eggs goes up. Expect the same thing at Christmas and other times when family cooking, baking, etc. happen.

This pattern continues until the price of eggs is Rs. 60 a dozen. The man says, "There must be something we can do about the price of eggs'.

He starts talking to all the people in his town and they decide to stop buying eggs. This didn't work because everyone needed eggs.

Finally, the man suggested only buying what you need. He ate 2 eggs a day. On the way home from work he would stop at the grocery and buy two eggs. Everyone in town started buying 2 or 3 eggs a day.

The grocery store owner began complaining that he had too many eggs in his cooler. He told the distributor that he didn't need any eggs.
Maybe wouldn't need any all week.

The distributor had eggs piling up at his warehouse. He told the huge egg farms that he didn't have any room for eggs would not need any for at least two weeks.

At the egg farm, the chickens just kept on laying eggs. To relieve the pressure, the huge egg farm told the distributor that they could buy the eggs at a lower price.

The distributor said, ' I don't have the room for the %$&^*&% eggs even if they were free'. The distributor told the grocery store owner that he would lower the price of the eggs if the store would start buying again.

The grocery store owner said, 'I don't have room for more eggs. The customers are only buying 2 or 3 eggs at a time. Now if you were to drop the price of eggs back down to the original price, the customers would start buying by the dozen again'.

The distributors sent that proposal to the huge egg farmers but the egg farmers liked the price they were getting for their eggs but, those chickens just kept on laying. Finally, the egg farmers lowered the price of their eggs. But only a few paisas.

The customers still bought 2 or 3 eggs at a time. They said, 'when the price of eggs gets down to where it was before, we will start buying by the dozen.'

Slowly the price of eggs started dropping. The distributors had to slash their prices to make room for the eggs coming from the egg farmers.

The egg farmers cut their prices because the distributors wouldn't buy at a higher price than they were selling eggs for. Anyway, they had full warehouses and wouldn't need eggs for quite a while.

And those chickens kept on laying.

Eventually, the egg farmers cut their prices because they were throwing away eggs they couldn't sell.

The distributors started buying again because the eggs were priced to where the stores could afford to sell them at the lower price.

And the customers starting buying by the dozen again.

Now, transpose this analogy to the gasoline industry.

What if everyone only bought Rs 200.00 worth of Petrol each time they pulled to the pump? The dealer's tanks would stay semi full all the time. The dealers wouldn't have room for the gas coming from the huge tanks. The tank farms wouldn't have room for the petrol coming from the refining plants. And the refining plants wouldn't have room for the oil being off loaded from the huge tankers coming from the oil fiends.

Just Rs 200.00 each time you buy gas. Don't fill up the tank of your car. You may have to stop for gas twice a week, but the price should come down.

Think about it.

Also, don't buy anything else at the fuel station; don't give them any more of your hard earned money than what you spend on gas, until the prices come down...'

..just think of this concept for a while.

.................please pass this concept around....reaching out to the masses ...the world .....

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Joke : ICICI Defaulters

2008-07-14T17:38:00.001+05:30

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!'

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, 'Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?'

'No, sweetheart,' she responds.

Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, 'Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master Card balance yet?'

'Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,' she says.

'One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the ICICI auto loan to them this month?' he asks.

'Oh, forgive me, Rajiv,' begged Mona. 'I didn't send that one, either.'

Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, 'So, why did you hug me?'

Rajiv answers, 'They'll find us!'

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The boss

2008-07-14T15:18:00.001+05:30

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in loud discussions during office time…..

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"

They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."

One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?

...

"About 1 litre."

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Wrong Thing

2008-06-16T22:54:00.001+05:30

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier. An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.

And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong b!tch out of the window."

Husbands of the year Awards!!!

2008-06-16T14:36:00.001+05:30

Husbands of the year Awards!!!

HUSBAND OF THE YEAR AWARDS:
3rd Place goes to: Turkey

2nd Place goes to: Serbia

And the winner of the husband of the year is:

Ireland

The Irish are true romantics. Look, he's holding her hand

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An inflight encounter

2008-06-04T14:47:00.001+05:30

A man boards a flight from Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a gorgeous woman boarding the plane.

He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right next to his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks 'Business trip or vacation?' She turns, smiles, and says,'Business. I'm going to the annual Sexologists Convention.'

He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist! Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, 'What's your business role at this convention?' 'Lecturer,' she says, 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
'Really?' he says, swallowing hard. 'What m-m-m-myths are those?'
'Well,' she explains, 'one popular myth is that African men are the best endowed when, in fact, it's the Tamilian who is most likely to possess that trait.Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best
lovers, whereas actually it is the Bengali. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all
categories is the Sardaar.'

Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. 'I'm sorry,' she says, 'I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!'

' Venkatraman !' the man blurts out.

' Venkatraman Mukherjee ! But all my friends call me Joginder Singh!'

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Kamasutra for Geeks

2008-05-22T15:00:00.001+05:30

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Tech Teka Tak

2008-05-08T14:26:00.001+05:30

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Preacher's Last Request

2008-05-08T11:52:00.001+05:30

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for an IRS agent and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.

The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.

For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment. But they were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them.

They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and their veracious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the lawyer said, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?" The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too."

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Holi Hai ........

2008-03-20T17:21:00.001+05:30

Holi HAI .....

.

.

.

.

.

.

May This Holi Come With Full of Happiness Like Colors Of this Festival.

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Happily married ever after.

2008-03-14T15:34:00.001+05:30

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?
"

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.
Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?" .
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."

Husband: "That's it. We are happily married ever after. "

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Skipping food

2008-03-14T13:37:00.001+05:30

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat
this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have
lost at least 5 pounds.
When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly
60lbs!
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?
"
The Irishman nodded..."I' ll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were
going to drop dead on dat 3rd day."
"From the hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from the skippin"

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Creative Ads

2008-03-13T16:05:00.001+05:30

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Deadly PJs......trust me..worth a read

2008-03-13T10:43:00.000+05:30

1) Brad Pitt and Vidya Balan get married
After marriage, lots of students gather at their home .... why ???
..
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..
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..
..
..
..
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because her name becomes Vidya Pitt (vidyapeeth)

:

2) Ek nadi thi......

uske upar ek pull bana hua tha.....

pull par bahut saari ladkiyan khadi thi......

sab ki sab ek hi ladke ki deewani thi.....

Guess who was the lucky guy??????

.......

.......

.......

Keep Guessing......

.......

.......

.......

Chalo yaar....the answer is

"KISNA"

Jo hai albela mad naino wala...

jiski diwani BRIDGE ki har bala.....

woh kisna hai

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3) if a CAT crosses ur way , when u are going some where , then what does it mean???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

?

?

?

it means that the Cat is also going somewhere

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4) rahul gandhi --> mom, aapaki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho paaa rahi........................................

sonia gandhi --> kyun beta????????????????

rahul gandhi --> har taraf to likha hai ki sonia ko bahumat do

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

5) BRUCE LEE was a great man

But after his sister gave birth to a baby he became an ordinary man...

why?

Because he became

MAMU LEE!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6) santa and banta r discussing---------

santa----- "if i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!!!!"

Banta----- "with me it's the opposite.if i sleep i can't drink coffee."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

7) One day Ravan went to a disco.........................

aur wahan jaakar woh behosh ho gaya...................

kyun???????????????????

kyun??????????????

bcoz it was written on the gate than "entry fee Rs.1500 per head"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

8) who make Ganesh to Anesh...????

ThinK......

Think......

okay....

" KAILASH KHER "

tere naam se " G " loon....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

9) Ek din ek aadmi apne naukar ko Priya Gold biscuit laane bolta hai. To

naukar biscuit laane Pakistan jaata hai.

Kyon??????

Think............

Give up??

Coz...

"Priya Gold biscuit. Haq se maango."

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SACHIN MAINTAINS HIS INTEGRITY BUT .... OTHERS.

2008-03-10T15:04:00.001+05:30

_,_._,___

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Pizza ads

2008-02-28T12:24:00.000+05:30

http://inventorspot.com/articles/pizza_great_ads_10680

10 Extra Large and Extra Cheesy Pizza Ads

1. Pizza AD: Boxes

No need to just advertise pizza, why not use the pizza box for other ads?

The copy on this pizza box reads, "Problems with insects? Call Dr. Barrata." Once you got to the end of your pizza there was a bug waiting for you!

Source: Ads of the World

In Switzerland, these boxes were distributed by Carlsberg to relevant places during the world cup (Carlsberg is the official sponsor of the Swiss soccer team).

Source: Ads of the World

2. Pizza Ad: At the Door

Instead of putting the ad in or on the pizza box, Papa John's took another approach and attached a mini box and delivery boy (with all of their contact information) to the peep holes of doors of private residences.

Source: Ads of the World

3. Pizza Ad: Cheesy

This cheesy ad was used as a banner from telephone pole to telephone pole.

Source: Ads of the World

Pizza Ad 4. Extra Cheese Please

Another cheesy ad, this time from Pizza Hut.

Using two outdoor ad placements, Pizza Hut stretches their ad from one end of the public transportation stairwell to the other.

Source: Ads of the World

5. Pizza Ad: Doorbell

This frozen pizza brand in Frankfort, uses the tagline: There's a little bit of Italian in everyone, to get their message across.

Source: Ads of the World

6. Hate Late?

Pizza Hut ran this print campaign to promote the on time and quick delivery of their pizza.

Check out the paramedics, the SWAT team and the bride:

Source: Ads of the World

7. Pizza Ad: Before Hungry Gets You!

The following print campaign ran in Dubai to promote Domino's Pizza.

Has hungry ever gotten you?!

Source: Ad Blog Arabia

8. Pizza Ad: A Play on Pizza?

The following ad from Dannon Yogurt, puts a twist and play on the fact of eating pizza. This campaign promoted the idea of "Making the Healthy Choice." What do you think of the use of pizza in this yogurt ad?

Source: Ad Blog Arabia

9. Pizza Ad: Creative Pizza Cutters

Who ever thought cutting your pizza could be such an experience?!

According to trendhunter.com, these Chopper-Motorcycle-Inspired-Pizza- Cutters were designed by artist Frankie Flood. The different styles are named Mantis, Psycho Pizza Cadillac, Easy Rider, Pizza for Life and Phatboy.

Source: Trendhunter

10. Pizza Ad: Would you like condoms with that?

According to trendhunter.com, Domino's Pizza has launched an initiative targeting the young late-night pizza ordering crowd in France. The "Night Box" (which is actually a Domino's pizza box with custom design) contains all you need for a party night in: a music CD, a poster, a t-shirt and… a condom!

This limited edition box will be distributed in Domino's restaurants in France.

Source: Trendhunter

Fastest Autofocus

2008-02-25T16:13:00.001+05:30

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No Smoking...

2008-02-06T11:21:00.002+05:30

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LAW OF THE GARBAGE TRUCK

2008-01-22T13:58:00.001+05:30

LAW OF THE GARBAGE TRUCK

How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood ????

Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day?

However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly one can get back their focus on what's important.

David J. Pollay explains his story in this way....

Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here's what happened. I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches!

The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean...he was friendly. So, I said, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!"

And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck. "

"Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happy you did."

I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the streets? It was that day I said, "I'm not going to do it anymore."

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. Love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason. Never let the garbage truck run over you....

Have a great day!!! Never let the garbage trucks run over you... :)

Indians Cricketers are cheaters

2008-01-21T17:47:00.001+05:30

I didnt expect this from India! They CHEATED Australia & won! See below:

1. Shaun Tait, who was hyped to get 50 wickets in this match, was sent wicketless by the cruel Indians!!

2. Because of BCCI & Team India, Australia's prolific match winners Steve Bucknor & Mark Benson could not play in this match. How cruel can Indians get!! Tch Tch! In this way Aus could play with only 11 players when they usually play with 13!

3. R.P.Singh who was only included as a bowler, blasted 30 runs without the Ausssies permission! Now that is very bad on the part of RP. Where are your manners, RP??

4. Ricky Ponting , who was happy that Harbhajan is not playing , was again cheated by Ishant Sharma, who got him twice!! Dont worry honest Ricky, we''ll try to get Ishant sharma dropped too, like Harbhajan!!!

5. And finally, no Indian player abused Andrew Symonds!!! This is inexcusable!! Poor guy lost his monkey tricks!! C'mon Indians, this is very unkind!!

6. The Perth pitch, that was meant to terrify Indians was cunningly used by Indian team to terrify Aussies!!! God, this is so unfair!!

7. An urgent team meeting is being held by Ricky & Co to decide what to do with the one day that is left in the match!! Indians have no manners!! Very bad guests, Indians are !! How can they beat the Australians in their home?? that too in 4 days???

8. India managed to be the first sub-continent team to win at WACA. Ruthless India, how can you do that without almighty Aussie's permission?

9.Symonds got a bad decision and that too is unacceptable as the bad decisions are only store for the opposition teams and besides Andrew symonds suppose to have three lives

Dont worry Ricky, my friend . I have free advice for you!! 'Bring Steve Bucknor back' !!!

--
http://kuldeepverma.blogspot.com

Re: Things to avoid saying when drunk...

2008-01-14T11:19:00.001+05:30

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 
1. Innovative 
2. Preliminary  
3. Anaesthetist 
4. Cinnamon 
5. Chrysanthemum 
       
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:  
1. Specificity 
2. Rhipidistian-Amphibian Transition 
3. Anti-constitutionalistically  
4. Transubstantiate 
5. Sphygmomanometer 
       
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 
01. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.  
02. Nope, no more booze for me. 
03. Sorry, but you're not really my type. 
04. Mac Donalds? No thanks, I'm not hungry. 
05. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?  
06. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.  
07. I'm not interested in fighting you. 
08. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no 
    coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool  
09. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to hurl in the street.  
10. I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

Clever inventions - Customizations at its BEST

2008-01-11T12:54:00.001+05:30

Things That Make Life Easier... Or Not

CUP & COOKIES

Smart cup in which you can put 2-3 of your favourite cookies. You don't need extra plates. It's made for right handed and left handed.

BANANA GUARD - Protect Your Banana!

Are you fed up with bringing bananas to work or school only to find them bruised and squashed? Banana Guard allows you to safely transport and storage individual bananas letting you enjoy perfect bananas anytime, anywhere.

LOCK-CUP

Lock Cup - Anti-Theft Coffee Cup. Are you tired of others stealing your coffee cup? Well now there's a solution. The Lock - Cup has a hole which prevents most people from using it. Only the owner of the cup can use his/hers shaped key to close the hole.

PENGUIN TEA TIMER

Making tea, though easy to do, is also time consuming. Once you pour the hot water into the cup, you must patiently hover over it, waiting for the tea to steep. Well, the Penguin Tea Timer happily does the waiting for you.
Place your tea cup under the beak and set it to the desired time. As you turn the timer dial, the beak lowers the tea into the hot water. When time is up, a bell sounds and the penguin automatically lifts his beak, removing the tea bag from the water.

TRANSPARENT TOASTER

You love toast, but you always burn it? The n this invention us for you.
This transparent toaster allows you to see the bread while it is toasting so you just have to take it out when the colour is right. This idea is based on a transparent heating glass technology.

BUTTER CUTTER

One Click Butter Cutter controls your portion as an important part of staying healthy. This ingenious butter cutter delivers one standard pat with each click of the handle.

GIANT REMOTE

Never lose your remote again!
With giant buttons, this extra-large remote is easy to use and impossible to lose. It's a 6-in-1 remote so you can use it to control your TV, VCR, DVD player, satellite, cable and auxiliary A/V device. It even features glow-in-the-dark buttons, so you can easily find the remote in the dark.

DAYCLOCK

What day is today? You don't know? Then you need a DayClock. It's uniquely designed to keep track of weekly events like your golf day, card night, movie night, and so much more. It's ideal for vacations and cruises when it's easy to lose track of the day.

LASER SCISSORS

Cutting a straight line has never been easier. Just aim the pin-point laser and follow the line. The scissor blades are stainless steel and cut very clean with a micro serrated edge.

ILUMINATING CAR SLIPPERS

Do you get up at night to drink water, go to the toilet...Do you wish you could see in the dark? Remarkably bright LED lights are triggered by your footsteps and light up the floor 30 feet in front of you; ultra-soft plush style are extra comfortable and cozy warm.

"THE THING" - INFANT PILLOW

The Zaky is an ergonomic infant pillow designed by a mom to mimic the size, weight, touch, and feel of her hand and forearm to help her baby with comfort, support, protection, and development. The Zaky can help calm your baby and help your baby sleep better through the night.

TRAVELER'S PHRASE BOOK T-SHIRT

If you are traveling a lot and don't always know the language of the country you are visiting, then this T-shirt is for you. It has a phrase book printed on it so just point a finger at the pictogram you need and then point it twice at the question mark, which means, "Where is it?" and in no time you have found what you were looking for... or not.

MODERN LADDER

Realy cool modern ladder.

LATEST DESIGN WAITER/WAITRESS TRAYS

Anatomic tray, for waiters. No more dropping trays.

WHEEL-MOVING BENCH

Whether you want to sit i n the sun or in the shade, near the river or under the tree... now you have your movable bench, to sit wherever you like.

Re: RAM ON RAM SETHU

2007-11-19T14:16:00.001+05:30

RAM ON RAM SETHU

The Lord RAM surveyed the Ram Setu and said "Hanuman, how diligently and
strenuously you and your vanara sena had built this bridge several
centuries back. It is remarkable that it has withstood the ravages of the climatic
and geographical changes over centuries. It is indeed an amazing feat
especially considering the fact that a bridge at Hyderabad built by Gammon using
latest technology collapsed the other day even before they could stick the
posters on its pillars."

Hanuman with all humility spoke "Jai Sri Ram, it is all because of your
grace. We just scribbled your name on the bricks and threw them in the sea
and they held. No steel from TISCO or cement from Ambuja or ACC was ever
used. But Lord, why rake up the old issue now."
Ram spoke "Well, Hanuman some people down there want to demolish the
bridge and construct a canal. The contract involves lot of money and lot of money
will be made. They will make money on demolition and make more money on
construction. " Hanuman humbly bowed down and said "Why not we go down and
present our case"

Ram said "Times have changed since we were down there. They will ask us to
submit age proof and we don't have either a birth certificate or school
leaving certificate. We traveled mainly on foot and some times in bullock
carts and so we don't have a driving license either. As far as the
address proof is concerned the fact that I was born at Ayodhya is itself
under litigation for over half a century, If I go in a traditional
attire with bow and arrow, the ordinary folks may recognize me but Arjun
Singh may take me to be some tribal and, at the most, offer a seat at IIT
under the reserved category. Also, a God cannot walk in dressed in a
three-piece suit and announce his arrival. It would make even the devotees
suspicious. So it is dilemma so to say."

"I can vouch for you by saying that I personally built the bridge."
"My dear, Anjani putra, it will not work. They will ask you to produce the
lay-out plan, the project details, including financial outlay and how the
project cost was met and the completion certificate. Nothing is accepted
without documentary evidence in India. You may cough but unless a doctor
certifies it, you have no cough. A pensioner may present himself
personally but the authorities do not take it as proof. He has to produce a
life-certificate to prove that he is alive. It is that complicated. "

"Lord can't understand these historians. Over the years you have given
darshan once every hundred years to sai nts like Surdas, Tulsidas, Saint
Thyagaraja, Jayadeva, Bhadrachala Ramdas and even Sant Tukaram and still
they disbelieve your existence and say Ramayana is a myth. The only
option, I see, is to re-enact Ramayana on earth and set the government records
straight once for all."
Lord smiled "It isn't that easy today. Ravan is apprehensive that he may
look like a saint in front of Karunanidhi. I also spoke to his mama
Mareecha, who appeared as a golden deer to tempt Sita maiyya when I was in the
forest and he said that he won't take a chance of stepping on earth
as long as Salman Khan is around."

Take care cause I care for you

Play and donate

2007-11-19T11:01:00.001+05:30

http://freerice.com/index.php

Parachuter

2007-08-14T20:16:00.001+05:30

On our first day of training for a charity parachute jump, the instructor made an important point.

"Start preparing for landing when you're at 300 feet."

One student asked, "How do you know when you're at 300 feet"?

"A good question. At 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

She thought about this for a moment before saying, "What happens if there's no one there I know"?

The Will

2007-08-14T20:14:00.001+05:30

A lawyer read the will of a rich man to the deceased's family.

"To my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave the house and $2 million."

The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1million."

The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well, you are wrong. Hi Dan!"

leepy student

2007-08-14T20:06:00.001+05:30

There is "one" sleepy student in the picture,
Spot and win a trip to Hongkong (air fare, hotel accommodation and pocket money for free!!)

Management Theory :: "Thats Intelligence"

2007-07-26T15:46:00.001+05:30

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his Customer,"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a five rupee coin in one hand and two one rupee coins(1+1=2) in the other, then calls the boy over and asks,"Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes the two one rupee coins and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take two one rupee coins instead of five rupee coin?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because THE DAY I TAKE THE FIVE RUPEE COIN, THE GAME IS OVER

Finger skillz

2007-07-19T20:01:00.001+05:30

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pqyng8RMcx4

Rajnikanth in Dhoom III

2007-07-19T19:29:00.001+05:30

South Indian Superstar Rajnikanth in Dhoom III

Optical illusion

2007-07-19T19:28:00.001+05:30

This little animation is fast becoming very popular – and no wonder: when you first look at the spinning girl, her rotation is probably clockwise. But if you start to concentrate on her shadow instead, suddenly her rotation switches to counter-clockwise! It may take some time, but the moment it happens, you are going to be genuinely surprised…

Top 10 Languages Spoken in the World !!

2007-06-28T15:13:00.001+05:30

The top 10 languages spoken in the world

10. French -- Number of speakers: 129 million

Often called the most romantic language in the world, French is spoken in tons of countries, including Belgium, Canada , Rwanda, Cameroon, and Haiti. Oh, and France too. We're actually very lucky that French is so popular, because without it, we might have been stuck with Dutch Toast, Dutch Fries, and Dutch kissing (ew!).

To say "hello" in French, say "Bonjour" (bone-JOOR).

9. Malay—Indonesian Number of speakers: 159 million

Malay-Indonesian is spoken - surprise - in Malaysia and Indonesia. Actually, we kinda fudged the numbers on this one because there are many dialects of Malay, the most popular of which is Indonesian. But they're all pretty much based on the same root language, which makes it the ninth most-spoken in the world.Indonesia is a fascinating place; a nation made up of over 13,000 islands it is the sixth most populated country in the world. Malaysia borders on two of the larger parts of Indonesia (including the island of Borneo), and is mostly known for its capital city of Kuala Lumpur.

To say "hello" in Indonesian, say "Selamat pagi" (se-LA-maht PA-gee).

8. Portuguese -- Number of speakers: 191 million

Think of Portuguese as the little language that could. In the 12th Century, Portugal won its independence from Spain and expanded all over the world with the help of its famous explorers like Vasco da Gama and Prince Henry the Navigator. (Good thing Henry became a navigator . . . could you imagine if a guy named "Prince Henry the Navigator" became a florist?) Because Portugal got in so early on the exploring game, the language established itself all over the world, especially in Brazil (where it's the national language), Macau, Angola, Venezuela, and Mozambique.

To say "hello" in Portuguese, say "Bom dia" (bohn DEE-ah).

7. Bengali -- Number of speakers: 211 million

In Bangladesh, a country of 120+ million people, just about everybody speaks Bengali. And because Bangladesh is virtually surrounded by India (where the population is growing so fast, just breathing the air can get you pregnant), the number of Bengali speakers in the world is much higher than most people would expect.

To say "hello" in Bengali, say "Ei Je" (EYE-jay).

6. Arabic -- Number of speakers: 246 million

Arabic, one of the world's oldest languages, is spoken in the Middle East, with speakers found in countries such as Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Iraq, Syria, Jordan, Lebanon, and Egypt. Furthermore, because Arabic is the language of the Koran, millions of Moslems in other countries speak Arabic as well. So many people have a working knowledge of Arabic, in fact, that in 1974 it was made the sixth official language of the United Nations.

To say "hello" in Arabic, say "Al salaam a'alaykum" (Ahl sah-LAHM ah ah-LAY-koom) .

5. Russian -- Number of speakers: 277 million

Mikhail Gorbachev, Boris Yeltsin, and Yakov Smirnoff are among the millions of Russian speakers out there. Sure, we used to think of them as our Commie enemies. Now we think of them as our Commie friends. One of the six languages in the UN, Russian is spoken not only in the Mother Country, but also in Belarus, Kazakhstan, and the U.S. (to name just a few places).
To say "hello" in Russian, say "Zdravstvuite" (ZDRAST-vet- yah).

4. Spanish -- Number of speakers: 392 million

Aside from all of those kids who take it in high school, Spanish is spoken in just about every South American and Central American country, not to mention Spain, Cuba, and the U.S. There is a particular interest in Spanish in the U.S., as many English words are borrowed from the language, including: tornado, bonanza, patio, quesadilla, enchilada, and taco grande supreme.

To say "hello" in Spanish, say "Hola" (OH-la).

3. Hindustani -- Number of speakers: 497 million

Hindustani is the primary language of India's crowded population, and it encompasses a huge number of dialects (of which the most commonly spoken is Hindi). While many predict that the population of India will soon surpass that of China, the prominence of English in India prevents Hindustani from surpassing the most popular language in the world. If you're interested in learning a little Hindi, there's a very easy way: rent an Indian movie. The film industry in India is the most prolific in the world, making thousands of action/romance/ musicals every year.

To say "hello" in Hindustani, say "Namaste" (Nah-MAH-stay) .

2. English -- Number of speakers: 508 million

While English doesn't have the most speakers, it is the official language of more countries than any other language. Its speakers hail from all around the world, including the U.S., Australia, England, Zimbabwe, the Caribbean, Hong Kong, South Africa, and Canada. We'd tell you more about English, but you probably feel pretty comfortable with the language already. Let's just move on to the most popular language in the world.

To say "hello" in English, say "What's up, freak?" (watz-UP-freek) .

1. Mandarin -- Number of speakers: 1 billion+

Surprise, surprise, the most widely spoken language on the planet is based in the most populated country on the planet, China. Beating second-place English by a 2 to 1 ratio, but don't let that lull you into thinking that Mandarin is easy to learn. Speaking Mandarin can be really tough, because each word can be pronounced in four ways (or "tones"), and a beginner will invariably have trouble distinguishing one tone from another. But if over a billion people could do it, so could you. Try saying hello!

To say "hello" in Mandarin, say "Ni hao" (Nee HaOW). ("Hao" is pronounced as one syllable, but the tone requires that you let your voice drop midway, and then raise it again at the end.)

Re: [LIKELY JUNK]Re: [LIKELY JUNK]Ab meri baari.

2007-06-26T17:13:00.001+05:30

Torrential rainstorms were knocking down power lines all over town. That meant, as a customer service represetative for the electric company, I was dispatching repairmen right and left. When one lineman called a customer to get her exact address, he was told, "I'm at Post Office Box 99." The weary lineman replied, "Ma'am, I'll be coming to you in a truck, not in an envelope."

Re: [LIKELY JUNK]Re: [LIKELY JUNK]Ab meri baari.

2007-06-26T17:09:00.001+05:30

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone." The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful." His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!"

Re: [LIKELY JUNK]Re: [LIKELY JUNK]Ab meri baari.

2007-06-26T17:06:00.001+05:30

GOD LOVES BLONDES ANYWAY A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto." Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays. "My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself... "Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket."

Re: [LIKELY JUNK]Re: [LIKELY JUNK]Ab meri baari.

2007-06-26T15:25:00.001+05:30

Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown off. "How did this happen?" the doctor asked. "Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh replied. The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?" "No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.

Dont mess with woman

2007-06-19T14:49:00.001+05:30

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely! "This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement,
opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands
it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police

Bheja Fry questions.

2007-06-19T14:23:00.001+05:30

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Whats a question with no answer called?
Why is a square meal served on round plates?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up 10 times every hour?
If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Can you cry under water?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

This is great

2007-05-15T17:53:00.001+05:30

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuMMfgWhm3g

Classic Miscommunication...

2007-05-09T12:51:00.001+05:30

Cancel Your Credit Cards Before You Die

2007-05-02T21:56:00.001+05:30

Cancel Your Credit Cards Before You Die

This sounds like as good advice as don't rent a casket when you die. It's not just the government... Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is priceless, and so easy to see happening,customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe you should turn it over to collections."
Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."
Family Member: "So what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau , maybe both!"
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew."
( Lawyer nfo given)
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given)
After they get the fax:
Citibank: "Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."
Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank: "That might help."
Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69."
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

Invisible world

2007-05-02T16:24:00.001+05:30

http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=15045&display=photoshop#entries

Cool Veggies

2007-04-30T13:16:00.001+05:30

Hypnotist..........

2007-04-12T12:47:00.001+05:30

It was opening night at the Orpheum theater and the Amazing Eileen was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do her stuff.

As the Amazing Eileen took to the stage, she announced, ''Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.''

The excitement was almost electric as the Amazing Eileen withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from her coat.

''I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. Its been in my family for six generations.''

She began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, ''Watch the watch , watch the watch, watch the watch.... ''.

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

''Sh*t'' said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the theatre. ...

See any difference ?

2007-03-26T20:02:00.001+05:30

See any difference between the two pics??

In my opinion, the second pic is better!

Equations

2007-03-16T16:46:00.001+05:30

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy
if, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work
in other words,
Human that don't know enjoy = pigs that work

Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money
if Men - earn money = Pigs
in other words,
Men that don't earn money = Pigs

Women = eat + sleep + spend
Pigs = eat + sleep
Hence, Women = Pigs + spend
if, Women - spend = Pigs
In other words,
Women that don't spend = Pigs

Summary:
Men earn money not to let women become pigs!
Women spend not to let men become pigs!

Amazing, what hands can do.

2007-02-07T19:47:00.001+05:30

http://www.youtube.com/p.swf?video_id=2zIODJsnqXE&eurl=&iurl=http%3A//sjc-static13.sjc.youtube.com/vi/2zIODJsnqXE/2.jpg&t=OEgsToPDskImqha4ppyuNCRvqh7CPvqv

Funny video

2007-02-07T13:24:00.000+05:30

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZLNABx6TDE

Animation VS Animator part II

2007-01-26T19:27:00.001+05:30

http://uneasysilence.com/archive/2007/01/9340/

Some people are just plain lucky

2007-01-13T12:52:00.001+05:30

Some people are just plain lucky. Click the photo below to see the video.

The Last Wish

2006-12-19T11:52:00.001+05:30

Top 13 Worst Slogan Translations Ever

2006-12-18T13:45:00.001+05:30

13) When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

12) Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux."

11) Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "Manure Stick."

10) Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."

9) Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.

8) When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what's inside, since many people can't read.

7) Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

6) Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken," was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."

5) When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.

4) An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).

3) The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are You Lactating?"

2) General Motors had a very famous fiasco in trying to market the Nova car in Central and South America. "No va" in Spanish means, "It Doesn't Go".

1) The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning "Bite the Wax Tadpole" or "Female Horse Stuffed with Wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokoukole", translating into "Happiness in the Mouth."

Gum Is Good

2006-12-14T13:44:00.001+05:30

Chew sugarless gum after you eat or drink. It's the next best thing to brushing your teeth!
Basically, saliva is good. Chewing gum keeps the saliva flowing after you eat, which helps to buffer your teeth against the bacteria that are ready to take over once a meal is finished. Keeping that flow going after eating helps reduce the formation of cavities. (Up to 10%, warning: .pdf)
Then there's Trident, which is sugar free and contains xylitol. Xylitol is excellent stuff for your teeth.

Wikipedia:

Xylitol is a "Toothfriendly" sugar substitute. In addition to not encouraging tooth decay (by replacing dietary sugars), xylitol may actively aid in repairing minor cavities caused by dental caries. Recent research^[3] confirms a plaque-reducing effect and suggests that the compound, having some chemical properties similar to sucrose, attracts and then "starves" harmful micro-organisms, allowing the mouth to remineralize damaged teeth with less interruption. (However, this same effect also interferes with yeast micro-organisms and others, so xylitol is inappropriate for making bread, for instance.) Dental pioneers such as Dr. Ellie Phillips have championed the use of xylitol as a preventive dental treatment, although most traditional dentists in the United States are still hesitant to recommend it to their patients, or are ignorant of the proven benefits.

So chew some gum! It's fun and it (mostly) tastes good.

Cell Biology Animation

2006-12-11T11:25:00.001+05:30

http://www.johnkyrk.com/

Have A Beer

2006-12-11T11:23:00.001+05:30

It tastes so good when it hits my lips! The key word in that title up there at the top is "A". Drinking beer in moderation (one or two a day depending on your weight) has been shown to reduce the risk of stroke and coronary heart disease. Beer has a lot going for it as far as preventing these ailments. Increases the amount of "good" cholesterol in your bloodstream. Decreases the chance of blood clots. Contains vitamin B6. This helps to prevent build-up of an amino acid called homocysteine that is linked to heart disease. It relaxes you, relieving stress, which is a big-time contributor to heart problems. We could consider this stout a proxy for beer — what's good in stout is good in other beers, and what's not so good isn't. That said, not all beers are alike. Some contain more calories, some more carbohydrates, etc. Meanwhile, the medical profession faces its own dilemma: Is it ethical to advocate drinking alcoholic drinks; Or is it ethical not to when the benefits are well established? With that in mind, we've tried to stick with the facts.
Point	Counterpoint
Beer contains no fat.	Beer contains alchohol, and there are about 7 calories per gram of alcohol, compared to 4 calories for carbohydrates or protein. Fat has about 9 calories per gram.
Beer is low in sugar.	Alcohol can cause blood sugar levels to drop more rapidly. That can stimulate your appetite, and disrupt your ability to tell when you've had enough to eat. This can also create fatigue and your energy level will suffer.
Beer is a source of soluble fiber which is derived from the cell walls of malted barley. A liter of beer contains an average of 20% of the recommended daily intake of fiber and some beers can provide up to 60%. As well as aiding healthy bowel function, this has a further benefit by slowing down the digestion and absorption of food and reducing cholesterol levels, which may help to reduce the risk of heart disease. Beer itself has no cholesterol.	Because alcohol interferes with the body's absorption of vitamins and minerals, it can lessen the body's ability to burn stored fat. Calories from alcohol may go right to your stomach. Also, alcohol is detoxified by the liver. In the process of metabolizing excess quantities of alcohol, the liver swells and may itself become filled with fat. All these factors contribute to what is known as a "beer belly."
One 12-ounce serving of "regular" (150 calories) beer per night adds more than 1,000 calories a week to a diet, and that works out to an extra 15 pounds per year. One light beer per night adds 10 pounds.	A 5-foot-9, 160-pound, 30-year-old man must walk only about 40 minutes at 3 miles per hour (moderate pace) to burn 150 calories.
Moderate levels of consumption of beer have been shown to reduce stress and the chances of heart disease.	Alcohol can impair your judgment, causing you to drink more than you should. To top it off, many people eat high-calorie, high-sodium snacks when they drink.
Beer contains significant amounts of magnesium, selenium, potassium, phosphorus, biotin, and is chock full of B vitamins.	Alcohol destroys Vitamin C and Vitamin B complex. Drinking beer that has not filtered out the Vitamin B (such as English "real ale," many microbrewed beers and homebrew) will help combat the effects of alcohol — most notably a hangover.

Go from couch to 5k in 6 weeks.

2006-12-09T14:33:00.000+05:30

This is how I did it:

(In almost 7 steps)

Step 0) Get shoes that fit.

This is really important. It will help keep you motivated and prevent injury.

1st) Pick a 5k and Sign up (Or have your wife pick one and sign you up.)

People may think this is an odd step to list, "Of course I'm going to sign up!" Maybe, maybe not, but if you take this step it will help motivate you to get out there and run a bit. Also, the picking of your first event is very important. If it's your first 5k, then I would pick one that is a run/walk. I think many people's greatest fear in doing a race is coming in last. Well, if it's a run walk, and you run at least part of it, then you'll beat the walkers. I know that this was my main concern when I did my first 5k.

2nd) Come up with a plan.

That's why your here, right? Assuming you're going from couch to 5k, we'll set a very easy to hit goal pace of 10 minutes per mile. This means your 5k should take you about 32 minutes if you never walk. (I think my first one took me 34 min., which I've slowly whittled down to 29:38 over the course of a year of very light training.)

Set the goal time of 30 minutes as the length of your longest run in the 5th week and work up to it from there. If you've never run before, consider something like this:

Week 1:

Mon. 5 min run with 5 min cool down (start small, more on this later)
Wed. 5 min run with 5 min cool down (Your cool down can always be a 5 min walk)
Fri. 10 min run, cool down

Week 2:

Mon. 7 min run, cool down
Wed. 7 min run, cool down
Fri. 15 min run, cool down

Week 3

M: 12 min run, cool down
W: 15 min run, cool down
F: 20 min run, cool down

Week 4

M: 15 min run, cool down
W: 18 min run, cool down
F: 25 min run, cool down

Week 5

M: 20 min run, cool down
W: 25 minute run, cool down
F: 30 min. run, cool down

Week 6

M: 15 min run, cool down
W:20 min run, cool down
F: 10 min run, cool down
Sat/Sun. Go race!

3rd) Execute your plan.

Ah this is where our path to hell is paved as our lonely plan sits in the corner, ignored and purposely forgotten. Well, nobody puts Plan in the corner!

The way I was able to (mostly) get around my laziness was to set myself a reward for reaching my goal. Sure you get a t-shirt or some cheap medal for completing what ever race you entered, and don't get me wrong: I'm all about race t-shirts, but I needed something more to get me through that first one. Promise your self a personal accomplishment prize. Mine was new running shoes. I have a minor obsession with ugly running shoes, so this worked out great. Just pick something you want (that you can afford) and then keep your eyes on the prize!

Another important part of this step is to not let yourself get down if you fall off the horse. It's OK to miss one workout. Move it to another day! We're only talking three days a week here. It's easy to move one or two of the days. Just try to make sure you still have your recovery days in between. Especially when you first start. more on this in step 4.

4th) Start slow.

Ok, once you get out there make sure you take it easy, especially the first two weeks. Stretch often. If something's especially sore: ice it. The start of my running got derailed twice. Both times it was the same thing: shin splints. Those are no fun.

You see, I would get out running and be having a good time. It's fun to run, sometimes. I hadn't remembered this since I was a kid so I would get excited and run too fast or for too long and hurt myself. I also didn't properly stretch or cool down. These are always necessary, but much more so for when you start out.

So stretch, don't be afraid of a walk break if you need one, cool down, and stretch some more.

The amazing thing about our bodies is that they will heal themsleves from abuse like running. They'll come back better, faster, stronger! But you have to give them a chance.

5th) Diet.

Don't go on a diet, just pay attention to what you're eating. Chances are, when you start running, your appetite will increase. Don't let that increased intake be ONLY junky snack foods. If you do eat lots of carb-y stuff try and do it before a run. I like to eat half of a granola bar or something in the morning before my runs. Afterward: A cold glass of milk is awesome to drink because it is protein and calcium rich. Get some chocolate milk so it's a treat if that's your thing. (It's definitely mine.)
Eat proteins: it will fill you up more than sugar and carbs to satisfy your growing appetite, plus it will help you build your muscles. You'll see incredible amounts of growth right when you start any new exercise; exploit this!
6th) Show up on race day no matter what.

A lot of people blow this. Don't be scared! You can do it. Even if you didn't hit your training exactly, you can do it. I've entered plenty of races where I didn't quite live up to my training regimen, and I was able to do it. Some call it a race day high; I know I get one. It's also a lot of fun to be part of something with a lot of other human beings and the rush will give you a boost once you get going.
Another thing is, hopefully, you picked a walk-run, so you'll be in the middle of the pack. If you've got some walkers behind you, this should make you feel better. It makes me feel better, anyway. I will tell you that I've been passed by a speed walker in a 5k while I was running. At least I had no where to go but up!

There's also usually some fun stuff after a race, like a food tent. This has been my favorite part of many a race. It's also a great place to meet like-minded folks and maybe sign up for your next one…

7th) Pick up your shirt; congrats.

What Happens To Your Body If You Drink A Coke Right Now?

2006-12-09T14:31:00.001+05:30

What Happens To Your Body If You Drink A Coke Right Now?

*

Have you ever wondered why Coke comes with a smile? It's because it gets you high. They took the cocaine out almost a hundred years ago. You know why? It was redundant.

In The First 10 minutes: 10 teaspoons of sugar hit your system. (100% of your recommended daily intake.) You don't immediately vomit from the overwhelming sweetness because phosphoric acid cuts the flavor allowing you to keep it down.
20 minutes: Your blood sugar spikes, causing an insulin burst. Your liver responds to this by turning any sugar it can get it's hands on into fat. (There's plenty of that at this particular moment)
40 minutes: Caffeine absorption is complete. Your pupils dialate, your blood pressure rises, as a response your livers dumps more sugar into your bloodstream. The adenosine receptors in your brain are now blocked preventing drowsiness.
45 minutes: Your body ups your dopamine production stimulating the pleasure centers of your brain. This is physically the same way heroin works, by the way.
>60 minutes: The phosphoric acid binds calcium, magnesium and zinc in your lower intestine, providing a further boost in metabolism. This is compounded by high doses of sugar and artificial sweeteners also increasing the urinary excretion of calcium.
>60 Minutes: The caffeine's diuretic properties come into play. (It makes you have to pee.) It is now assured that you'll evacuate the bonded calcium, magnesium and zinc that was headed to your bones as well as sodium, electrolyte and water.
>60 minutes: As the rave inside of you dies down you'll start to have a sugar crash. You may become irritable and/or sluggish. You've also now, literally, pissed away all the water that was in the Coke. But not before infusing it with valuable nutrients your body could have used for things like even having the ability to hydrate your system or build strong bones and teeth.

This will all be followed by a caffeine crash in the next few hours. (As little as two if you're a smoker.) But, hey, have another Coke, it'll make you feel better.

*FYI: The Coke itself is not the enemy, here. It's the dynamic combo of massive sugar doses combined with caffeine and phosphoric acid. Things which are found in almost all soda.

Survey conducted by the U.N

2006-12-05T14:35:00.000+05:30

Last month, a survey was conducted by the U.N. worldwide.
The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food
shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a HUGE failure for the following reasons:

In South America they did not know what "please" meant.

In Asia they did not know what "honest" meant.

In Eastern Europe they did not know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they did not know what "solution" meant.

In Africa they did not know what "food" meant.

In Western Europe they did not know what "shortage"meant.

And in the USA they did not know what "the rest of the world" meant.

Advertisements (old)

2006-12-05T14:21:00.000+05:30

Advertisement in Pune Shop : Guitar, for sale.......cheap...........no strings attached.

Sign in a bar : "Those .....drinking to forget........ please pay in advance."

Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.

A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!

When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading.

My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He drinks straight out of the bottle.

You know the kids are growing up when your daughter begins to put on lipstick or your son starts to wipe it off.

I always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case someone wants Black Coffee.
Getting caught is the mother of Invention.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, Snore and you sleep alone.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is the fact that it has never tried to contact us.

Seen on a bulletin board: Success is relative. More the success, more the relatives.

Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay: We need your heads to run our business.

A traffic slogan: Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough or else they will never be.

Sign in a restaurant: All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the manager.

Seen in railway station at Patna: Aana free, Jaana free, Pakde gaye to khana free.

Sign on a famous beauty parlor window: Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your Grandmother!!

bloopers

2006-11-24T11:50:00.000+05:30

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/219131/bloopers_again/

Next time you think you're having a bad day read this

2006-10-26T13:16:00.000+05:30

A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an ax leaving her mentally retarded.

In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came down eight hours short of the 400 day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off.

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Till that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later they were both eaten by a killer whale.

Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

Absolute Crazy Innovations

2006-10-19T12:46:00.000+05:30

Collection of 25 absolute crazy innovations send by user Folker from Germany, he says that this stuff is unique, maybe it mean that Folker and rest of German guys made all this Crazy innovations!
You cat use it in real life and don't need to buy expensive things and spend great deal of money :)

Cactus Soother

Do you love your Baby?

Super-Duper Ear

My girlfriend like this innovatinon, I don't no why??

Ice Cream shield :)

This innovation it's really helpful

Summer pedals

After bike drive you can wash kitchen utensil
Wonderful aroma,trust me :)

Stop Brush

Maybe.... I don't no

Dracula Fork

1001 way to use fork

Mark Finger

Good idea for FBI maybe, but just without flower

Beer smell Lamp

Germans!! All about Beer, and I like it becouse that!

Cloth Holder

When you demolish your office, you don'n need
throw it away all!Now you have idea!

Modern China chopsticks

Tea Cloth

Windows sleeper

Picture Holder

Tea Aroma for bathroom

Gauge red Flag

New way of belt

Ear Ball

Finger Oil

Thought supports

Dress funnel

Cotton Wool Broom

Wing Light

Mark Board

Little Greenause

Washing-up assistance

A Banana A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

2006-10-16T12:45:00.000+05:30

A Banana A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

OK, why banana? Why not apple? Read on…

Bananas, containing three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber, a banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes. But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS): Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it the perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels,while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system. Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two
hours to keep levels steady

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal
disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal = Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6,B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be balanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine,"eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around. So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"