An Ex-Wife's Revenge
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and
suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful
dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music and feasted on
a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each and every
room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried
everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steamed. Air Fresheners
were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days,
and in the end even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not ind a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even
the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from he bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she
missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad t he smell was, he agreed on a Price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been
worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered
the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new
home............including the curtain rods.
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?????
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Revenge
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
A historic letter!!
| Okhil Babu's letter to the Railway Department: "I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with 'lotah' in one hand and 'dhoti' in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on plateform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station. This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report! to papers." Okhil Chandra Sen wrote this letter to the Sahibganj divisional railway office in 1909. It is on display at the Railway Museum in New Delhi. It was also reproduced under the caption "Travelers' Tales" in the Far Eastern Economic Review. Any guesses why this letter was of historic value? It apparently led to the introduction of toilets on trains . __,_._,___ | |||
| |
Presence of Mind
John works in a supermarket. A man came in and asked John for half a kilogram of butter. John told him they only sold 1 kg packets of butter, but the man was persistent. John said he'd go ask his manager what to do.
John walked into the back room and said, "There's a bloody fellow out there who wants to buy only half a kilo of butter."
As he finished saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him,
So he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."
The manager finished the deal and later said to John, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet, and I like it a lot.
Which place are you from?"
John replied, "I'm from Mexico, sir."
"Oh really? Why did you leave Mexico?" asked the manager.
John replied, "They're all just prostitutes and soccer players up there."
"My wife is from Mexico," the manager said.
John replied, "Which team did she play for?"
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Declaring war
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy O'Hara up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "this is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next-door neighbour Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from the pub — that makes eight!"
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have a million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorrah!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right, Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have two combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm."
Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy that I have sixteen thousand tanks, fourteen thousand armoured personnel carriers, and my army has increased to two million men since we last spoke."
"Bloody hell!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Right, Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Paddy, "We've had a look at the Geneva Convention, all had a chat, and there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)