A for apple

Teacher : say, A for...?

Sardar : Apple

Teacher : jorse bolo........

 

Sardar : "JAI MATA DI"

Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the worst answer.

 
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness to the stand. The witness was a grand  motherly, elderly
woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs.Jones, do you  know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams.I've know you
since you were a young boy,and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big
shot  when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you. "
The Lawyer was  stunned.
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room  and ! asked,
"Mrs. Jones. do you know the defense attorney?"
She again  replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr.Bradley since he was
a youngster,  too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem.
He can't build a  normal relationship with anyone and his law practice
is one of the worst in  the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on
his wife with three  different women, one of them was your wife.  Yes,
I know him."
The  defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach  the bench, and in a very
quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards  asks her if she knows
me, I'll throw you in jail for  contempt."

just.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
- Mark Twain

now see this

http://www.funtoosh.com/?mclips/play.php?id=m_pep

READ UR OWN LIFE STORY

hi guys & gals......

nice little story...

hav time to read...it......

its quite similar to our life......



A STORY OF AN HR MANAGER:

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources

Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in

heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it

seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a

Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to

do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let

you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever

one you want to spend an eternity in."

"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said

the woman

"Sorry, we have rules..."

And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went

down-down-down to hell.

The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green

of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing

in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked

with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They

ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They

played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club

where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.

She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kind of cute) and she

had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time

that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and

waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found

St. Peter waiting for her.

"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24

hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had

great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came

and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you

must choose your eternity,"

The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd

say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a

better time in Hell."

So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down

back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a

desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were

dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there

was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and

had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends

look miserable."

The Devil looked at her smiled and told...

"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee.."

 

Ex Wife

 

Dear Husband:  I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minut es, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.   P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!  Your EX-Wife   Dear Ex-Wife Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.          I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.   After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.   P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.    Signed Rich As Hell and Free!