Santa, who had been away on an official trip in a small town, got a message from his company that his trip has been prolonged for an extra month.
He was already getting bored with the town. It seemed as if they rolled up the streets and turned out the lights by ten o'clock and over the course of the extra month he was getting very homesick. Finally, he gave in to temptation and visited the local brothel on the outskirts of town.
He entered and handed the madam thousand rupees and requested, "Can you give me the worst performing, most lethargic, disinterested whore in the house."
The madam says, "Well yes, but for this kind of money, you can you can have the best we have if you like."
"No, no," says Santa, "you don't understand, actually I'm not horny, I'm married and just homesick."
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Santa Singh!
Homesikh !
ole ones but they make u laugh
These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court." These are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published
by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these
exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
____________________________________________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
____________________________________________________________________
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
____________________________________________________________________
Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't
know about it until the next morning?
____________________________________________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
____________________________________________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
___________________________________________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
____________________________________________________________________
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up! also?
____________________________________________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
___________________________________________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
____________________________________________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
____________________________________________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
____________________________________________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
| |
Friday, December 23, 2005
Thursday, December 15, 2005
The Blonde
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50
dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A
short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over,so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A
short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over,so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
memory problems
Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One
lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was
standing at
the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or
was about to go down." The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The
other day,
I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was
going to sleep or had just woken up!" The third lady smiles smugly, "Well,
my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on
the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"
lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was
standing at
the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or
was about to go down." The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The
other day,
I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was
going to sleep or had just woken up!" The third lady smiles smugly, "Well,
my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on
the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"
Golfer's clueless wife
There was this guy who went golfing every Saturday and Sunday,
it didn't matter what kind of weather it was he was hooked on a round of golf. One Saturday he left the house early and headed for the golf course, but it was so bitter cold that he decided he wouldn't golf that day and went back home. His wife was still in bed when he got there, so he took of his clothes and snuggled up to his wife's backside and said "Terrible weather out there." She replied, "Yeah, and can you believe my stupid husband went golfing?"
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
19 ways of committing Suicide
ways of commiting Suicide!!!
1. This will tear u in pieces … useful during Diwali season ;) …
2. Sometimes it helps to be outrageous …
3. Or too outrageous …
4. Let mother nature do the needful …
5. Sote hue logon se panga le lo …
6. Can Physics be the part of the plan …
7. Maut samay pe hi aayegi … please wait …
8. How painful … not for me …
9. Lalkaar …
10. Badi Machli (Shark) ka chaara bano …
11. The Lull before the storm …
12. Maut at finger tip … rather toe tip …
13. Not applicable in India … Bahut dimaag lagao …
14. You will be electrocuted … if not then definitely fried to death …
15. Seasonal offer …
16. If Saurav da is batting, maut will be very fast …
17. Death in the fast lane …
18. Aar ya paar …
19. Scientific calculations can lead to meticulous death …
Monday, December 12, 2005
Thursday, December 01, 2005
The Indian Mom
| THE INDIAN MOM!........ Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner...who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal,his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's, roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking,but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates." About a week later,Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote : Dear Mother: I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Kumar Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read: Dear Son: I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now. Love, Mom. Lesson of the day: Don't Lie to Your Mother...especially if she is Indian! |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)