Actual quotes from (actual) Texas politicians:

* "I am filled with humidity."
- Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis

* "If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drillin'
rights on that man's head."
- Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower discussing 
President George Bush's policies

* "If it's dangerous to talk to yourself, it's probably even
dicier to listen..."
- Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower

* "I move we recess to go outside and throw up." 
- Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis during a budget hearing